I think people set up unrealistic expectations of what the holidays should look like, which is a recipe for failure and disappointment. My advice would be to seek out a situation where the people are worse off than you are (a crisis nursery, the alzheimer's wing of a nursing home, an animal rescue)and get busy helping. Give yourself a greater purpose. Just an idea....

I can totally relate to you. I'm so miserable with my life too. I wish the holidays just didn't exist right now in my life.
And it is true that most people aren't very deep and just have superficial relationships with people. They think you are weird when you act like a real human being with emotions! I'll never get it either.
I don't think you are codependent though. Wanting deep, meaningful loving relationships is a healthy want. Try not to despair too much and remember that truly great bonds with people are rare and don't come around too often. I'm sorry you are so lonely though.
I hate my life because my mom died 8 years ago, I live far away from my dad and sis, my sis has dependence and anxiety problems, my dad is married to a total witch, and worst of all I'm in a 6 yr relationship that seems to be going nowhere. I'm almost 30 and not married and have no kids and hate my job. So life is real fun!

Thank you for both of your comments. Yes, I know what you mean about people looking at you weird if you express real emotions around others. I guess the only way that can change, is if we just do it and have no shame about it.

I am 30, not married, no kids, and no job (currently). Haha! So let's try to look at the positive because life can always get worse!

I hope you don't think I am probing, I just like to try to help your pain. I am lamatheid and I know how you feel. I have no friends either none!! I moved from my wifes house about a month ago after being seperated for 9+ years my children don't understand me. my estranged wife don't believe in me. I relapsed because of loneliness I am not working, i am in school online but I feel like I am not worthy I feel inferior not working.

I decided to go to the VA to get treatment next week. I live alone and I have no friends no acquaintences. I pickup to get some joy in my life but its all more misery. Thank God, you have someone around. I have no one my children love me but they cant show it or their mother. I told her I did not love her and the divorse court date is coming in the mail. I call but noone answers I been lonely for 19years at lest probably more. Going to treatment and taking time off from school right now will benefit me. I need to be around people I feel like dying at times. Whats going to happen is when I get my deposit I'll pay my rent and other bills maybe and do some shopping for the month and then party and I'll get sick then have to strain my brains to do my school work and that really sucks.

Talking about feeling like a worm, guilty, shame ,angry, lonely, worthless,just wanting to stay in bed and sleep as long as you can. My way out now is to go to the VA and get into treatment and pbe around people. I need that boost so when I come home i'll have a program again, I know the down fall going to and fro self help meeting and therapy but I have to do it. I know the way out and this is it if I have to take medication I will I need people in my life I need a balance. I hope you get to know your way out and just take that route. This week end I am just going to get my self mentally ready and write my landlord and tell him I'll pay him when I get back. So your not the only.

I can olny speak for myself but when I had depression really bad, I could hardly find the energy to get out of bed let alone the thought of having friends. You need some level of self-esteem to be able to make and maintain friendships. Just my poinion but break up the problems and tackle them one at a time. There are no quick, easy answers but many problems just simply stem from the depression. Then again, my depression was the chronic type that I carried from childhood. Is your depression situational or chronic??? First answer that. It's a clue to how to treat it. I needed to get my depression under control before I could actually deal with my issues. One thing at a time. Have you ever tried medication?

Yes....knowing the kind of depression you have is important to treatment. Do you see a councelor and a dr? I hope you are getting help with your depression. Its true that you feel lonely with or without people. I've felt that way many times myself. Its good to talk to others here as well. I hope all will be better for you soon!

lamatheid- thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear that you have been alone. I know what that feels like. It sounds like you have made the right decision in seeking treatment. Try to stay positive, okay? Try to focus on what you DO have in your life.

Tammy- Thanks for your post. Yes, I have tried medication - many rounds of meds. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, serve OCD, panic disorder, and I'm sure another one is coming! I do agree that it is difficult - if near impossible - to maintain friendships with chronic depression. :(

Kathy- I do see a counselor and have for 16 years, which has really helped. I also see a Psychiatrist, support groups, etc. I think that support groups are wonderful in the healing process. I believe a person needs to relate to others and to not feel isolated.

Okay, sounds like you are saying that you have tried everything and nothing is working? Is that what you are saying? I can now look back and see when there were times I had tried something but it didn't work and I can see now that I just wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to break through my denial and fear, I wasn't ready to face the truth and the inevitable consequences of. When I was able to face the truth the consequences were sooo drastic and dramatic. I now sleep in a basement on a really lumpy couch that I got out of the garbage but you know what I live in truth and I have never been so free and I actually can say in all honesty that I have felt actual happiness. Yes, happiness

Tammy,

That is wonderful that you feel happy and free. I have been in search of that my whole life. I'm moving further away from those happy days from the past, but I feel so much closer to being where I want to be. Healthy, happy and experiencing FREEDOM. My apologies if I wasn't clear, but I am definitely ready to do whatever work is necessary - because living with the residuals of my pain is worse than the alternative of seeking treatment(in my experience of things). Sometimes it takes awhile to find a medication regiment that works. But I am determined to do so!

Awesome. One step and one day at a time. God Bless