you have to get help for yourself and go to an alanon meeting and/or therapy. why would you want to have a baby with an alcoholic??? he is self destructive and you want to have him as your partner?
i don't say this to be mean, but you need to get away from this man as soon as possible. you need support there; family, friends, self help groups... you think you're life with him is "normal" and it's not, it's extremely toxic. he's a sinking ship, cut yourself lose before you go down with him.
having a baby with a sick man is not going to make you happy. a baby will add more stress to his life which is going to make him drink more, not less. he has no business having babies while he has an extremely serious problem that he is not addressing. he is your baby, and that's not healthy; it's called co-dependence. you are enabling his illness. get healthy, get away from him.

I agree with andine... however I'd like to point out that there a lot of men out there who are looking to start families too. Many of us are having issues with our significant others to where it's causing the same doubts you're having. The bottom line to it all is that while there are the men you're looking for out there... I can say as one... is you need to get out of what you've got and go searching... we are not easy to find and usually come in some rough handled packaging.

I know it may sound silly for a guy to say this... but even when I was a teenager... I wanted to find someone I could go places with and raise kids with... it's very hard for us to find folks willing to put in the effort to make those hopes become true. As a scientist, I know exactly how easy it is to make a baby, and even genetically make one with DNA gene placement. However, as my father used to say, "Any man can make a baby... but it takes something special to be a father." and that applies to women as well... we are out there... we are searching... and we are far too aware how few women there are out there willing to go the distance to have a happy family. Women preach that they can... Men preach that they would be there for them... damn few are.

Well in case you haven't noticed half the entire female population wants a good man and a baby but I don't understand why you'd want to make a baby with a jerk. Right now you're complaining about wanting one, a year from now you'll complain what a horrible role model he is to your kids. Save yourself the trouble and leave.

You NEED to go to a CoDependency meeting and get as many books on the subject as you can. If you don't look at yourself and figure out just what is going on in your head you'll create more problems for yourself

Please do not have a baby with this man! Unless he gets help and stays sober for a good lenght of time. I would hate to see a baby growing up with a drunk father 5 out of 7 days. You deserve better than that! I know women want babies and the clock is ticking (I feel the same way) BUT I refuse to have a baby with the wrong man. Myself and my future child deserve to have the best man not just any man. Keep searching or have him get help and prove to you that he can change and wants the baby as much as you do. Good Luck!

sounds like you are a fool,to want to have a baby with this fella. the only thing is interested in is what you have between your legs, and nothing else..
There good men out there that would love to have some one love them, and take care of them,,so , there is a world out there go looking,,
this guy, will end up hurting you, and a baby, if he isn't interested in having a child,, boy, get away from this fella..he is bad news... Using you... He will hurt you, bodily, and in mind too, he will destroy you, Get out, before does any more harm toyou..
I am a man, and I know where this creep, Is taking you..get out, so you can have a good life,, cause you sure don't have one today..

denial can be soo strong and/or if you are co-dependant then you are drawn like a moth to a flame and you don't even know it. Things change when an innocent child is involved. You probably have hope that it will change but if there are no signs of that then you need someone to give it to you honestly. Sorry but ask him to go to counseling with you

after reading some of the other comments, and being an old man, having looked over my shoulder, and thinking, about some of the mess I have seen over the years, and having been a foster parent, for children. Your chances of having major problems with this guy, are almost a sure thing. Having a child, with a man, how has booze in his system, while haven sex, is a bad thing, cause I does effect the child, and in many cases,, causes brain damage or other damage to a child.. NOt always,, but, once in a while.. and that one time, would be a major, problem, with a person, that has a drinking problem..
Sounds like he has already struck out, with one marriage, due to his drinking... and Young lady,, a drunk, will only get worse, as time goes on,, he will rob you of money, sell you out for a bottle of beer, or something harder, or the cheapest drunk he can find.. if he is truly a drunk..so,find you someone else to give your love to, and make a baby, with a man, that, will take care of you, and his child,,with lots of pride..they are out there, but not in the bars or swing clubs, I had over 300 children come thru my home, and I have seen it all,, in one form or other,, and none of it was pleasing, I can say,, I showed them,, all the love a person can.. I loved working with them,, and many of them, come to me,,and thank me,, for being a dad to them. it was a great pleasure for me,, very rewarding..until I fell sick....God bless you young lady... look forthat special person,, Know WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR,, AND WHAT YOU DONT WANT,AS A HUSBAND, OR DAD FOR YOUR CHILD..SEX,, IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO A MARRIAGE... ITS BEING GOOD FRIENDS, THE BEST, LOOKING OUT FOR THAT SPECIAL PERSON, AND PUTTING THEM, FIRST IN YOUR LIFE OR HIS... GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU SAFE, AND MAY HE, SHOW THE WAY TO MAKE A GOOD LIFE,,

girl42: you're getting a lot of great advice here. you're lucky that all of these people are trying to help you.

Let me put it very clearly. Right in the middle of my first miscarrage(the most excruciating pain in my life) my then husband, an alcoholic left me and went to work.I was all alone and he knew it. Now would you do this to your worst enemy??? No, you wouldn't. The alcohol contorts the thinking. It's the self- absorbtion that YOU will pay for. You are better off without a relationship than to be getting constant messages like this, that you are just not worth it. Over many years those "messages" wear your esteem down to such a low level that you will lose your soul and when you lose your soul you will be the walking dead. Could you be a walking dead and also be a good mother let alone employee, friend, etc. Get help for your head now.

Tammy: so sorry for what you have gone thru. i had a somewhat similar experience with my ex and he wasn't drinking, just messed up and selfish.

I kinda made a list of the qualities I would like in my next BF. In a nutshell, if you can say that having that person in your life will somehow add to in a meaningful way or lift it , well, that's a good start. If I had just asked myself that before getting in too deep with my other relationships well... then again my head wasn't exactly as "healthy" as it is now so...

tammy, that's a good tool. a prospective partner should be financially independent, esp. if someone is already a single parent and/or wants to begin/extend their family. few people "plan" to be a single parent and should do everything they can to protect their (future) children.
choose a healthy individual w/o addictions; no drugs, alcohol... healthy people have healthy friends, watch out for people who "have no friends". look for what type of people he/she hangs out with.
our own friends/family can often warn us if someone we are dating is a bad bet. when we are buying a house/car, we may have an expert tell us if it's a good investment. we should do the same when we are dating :)

I have no job no friends and my family is screwed up big time so...

Yeah, I have basically had to hit rock bottom, find the Lord and just now at nearly 50 yrs old need to totally rebuild with a new attitude. It really is the biggest blessing because I was never taught how to live this life. I made all the mistakes. I kinda had to cling to the Lord, reject all the worldly messages and reparent myself thru truth. TRUTH. Man the quest for truth has been such a rough and confusing road but sooo worth it.I just want to raise my kids the best I can and I want to go to heaven when I die so that I don't have to come back to this planet.

T.: being a good parent is a great goal, well done. didn't learn that from my family either. :(

I GOT IT!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, breaking the generational cycle of abusive parenting in my family is huge BUT I am going to revolutionize the divorce process in this country. The way divorce is now is akin to a loved one dying in the hospital and the doctor just throwing the body in the garbage. Especially when children are involved, the current system is sooo grossly negligent and cold and it doesn't have to be that way.