Finally some "good" news as far as my divorce is concerned!!

hm.... my inlaws (and my ex im sure) are trying to make me come down to take the kids (age 2 and 1) to the jail to see their dad which i think is messed up to do to the kids... but i also don't want to go anywhere NEAR TN before the divorce is final which it sounds liek won't be until the summer (the judge we were assigned is VERY busy) I htink it is horrible of them to ask me to do this. they will pay the tickets and all of course, but that's not the point, to take a 2 year old and a 1 year old on a plane (alone with me) 3000 miles, just to let their dad stare at them in a video monitor for 30 minutes to an hour and then have to leave him there... it just would be cruel to do to them.... and to me.

my lawyer says that he does NOT suggest that I go down there unless I am made to by a court order... while teher they could serve me with some kind of thing that will keep me form returning to washington. I am of course not going to tell my inlaws or my husband that or that's exactly what they will do

It really sounds like you are trying to do right by everyone in this situation, including your husband. Try to ask yourself, who would a visit to jail be serving.....your husband or the kids...prob not the kids, they sound quite young and may not really be aware of whats going on. Thats a lot of work for you and you were not the one who put him int his situation, that was all him. You are so strong and doing your absolute best- I say, ask yourself one question, "will this benefit my children, and if so, then how"...if you can't come up with any answers then your actions are mainly to assist him. THere's nothing wrong with doing that, but be aware of your motivation and be very mindful when you makes decisions of who you are helping and why. THis sounds like a sticky situation at best...addiction is a VERY selfish disease and keeps people from maturing, your husband may not really see things clearly and from a perspective other than his own. If you need guidance, try to read up on subject of divorce and co-parenting....be clear on your boundaries with him, as well as both your hopes and expectations for this time. He's got a huge set of problems, but you may feel lonely and miss him anyway, and thats okay to feel- it doesnt mean you want him back, just that your feeling lonely..and thats okay!

Warmly,
Kellie Montgomery, LMFT

Thank you Kellie... I am feeling VERY alone right now.

Alone, scared, confused... lonely.

You are not alone Jessica. We are here. It does sound like you are doing the right thing. I know its tough to go through this and you do feel all alone, but your not. Keep to the path you are on and let the healing begin. God is watching out fo ryou and those children even when we cant see it clearly at the time. Hang in there and keep the faith that things will go your way. Dont feel guilty for doing what is right. May God grant you the strength to cope with this and the peace you need as well. Take care, we are here if you need us.

Sestes

to be honest I'm not feeling very comfortable on this site anymore... but I have nowhere else to go.

Why are you not feeling comfortable on here anymore?? :(

oh I'm okay... I'll be fine... I'm not going anywhere

Jessica, send him pictures of the children as you said and then keep them away from him. The visit he is wanting is crazy - the children are way too young to understand any of this and you would spend more time at the airports than you'd spend letting him see the children. And children do NOT travel well on airplanes so that's also another reason for not doing it.

I hope you'll stay on this website - we all want to be there for you as much as we can.

Hugs to you, Jessica!

Jess i;m sorry your not comfortable on here-i hope that changes. there's been so much saddness/stress and drama on here lately =(. I agree that what your husband is asking is crazy. The visit would only benefit your ex husband not your kids. Send him pics/updates etc to keep him informed. I think it might be too stressful for your kids to see him like that too--i;d be scared visiting someone in prision as an adult-can;t imagine what that would be like for a kid. I think they are too young to understand any of it--and hopefully not seeing his kids will motivate ur ex to get healthier/get off drugs etc-so in future-when kids will understand/remember they can have a good relationship w. him-and not have to visit him in prison.. I also hope u stay on here.