A little about what I've been going through lately... (first post)

I'm not sure where to start. I've been dating my very best friend of 10 years for the last 3 1/2 years. We have been through everything you can imagine through out the years. Suicidal teens, my bi polar mom and my dad with all his medical issues and abusing his medicine, his crazy abusive mom who abandoned them and his drugged up dad letting it all happen, my abusive boyfriends, getting engaged to one, him marrying someone just like his mom (she cheated on him on their wedding night), after all the we some how found each other. Nothing has ever felt more right. But lately it's been a battle and I'm not sure when or if I should throw in the white flag. I knew a very long time ago that he came with certain things, well certain issues. He fell out of the back of a truck going 75 miles... He has quite a bit of brain damage it's hard to get him to understand certain things and he also forgets a lot of things (among a lot of other issues). Plus his background... his mom was very abusive and all his siblings say he got the worst of it. 2x4s with rusty nails is just one of many examples. She was also emotionally abusive. He never went to school not even home schooled. How that woman has never been locked up I don't know. I have always made excuses for him because of his back ground. Well and because I love him. He is by far one of the most amazing people I have ever met. By meeting him you would never know his background. However he has many addictions... They've gotten worse over the years. Smoking, poker, work, porn, lying... If he stops one he trades it for another. Recently some things have been discovered and are just now be dealt with. Last week I found old emails to a couple of girls off different "hook up" sites. They emailed back and forth, exchanged numbers. He also called each girl by his nick name for me, Gorgeous. They talked about meeting up but he swears that they never did. I don't think I'll ever know what's the truth. It ended after a few months. He just started going to meetings for pornography and sex addiction. He also put a program on the computer that blocks all those sites and it emails me if he trys to get on them. He is making an effort. He swears he'll never put me through this again. I want to believe him... However I have always believed him which is part of the problem. He didn't tell me how far that addiction went because he was afraid of loosing me. One of his biggest fears is everyone leaving... because everyone always has. For now I am staying because I realize this is a problem. I don't ever want to look back and wonder what if I stayed... but I'm afraid I'm staying because I don't know how to let go of him... That's just a little bit of what's going on. I'll post more later. Is anyone else here going through anything like this? Thank you for listening.